How do you talk to the in-laws?

[fooled again]

Thank you all for your responses. I'm glad to hear that there are quite a few ILs out there who have maintained some connection and loyalty to LBSs. I have always had a great R w/ my IL's and they have supported me since day 1. But then what my H did to me was so completely out of character that they were shocked, since everyone thought that we were so good together and we would be together 4ever. When H told them he moved out b/c he had an A they were completely supportive of me. But that was nearly a year ago, and though in the beginning I would call and talk to them about what was going on, now I don't anymore and I think they are feeling very left out. I can't detach from H while unloading on my IL's - it's just not possible.

Hopefully he will continue to reconnect w/ me because I am showing him more acceptance than he expects from his parents. Guilt has always been a main dish in H's family, so I can see how he'd want to avoid that so long as he is still depressed and lost and confused. Who wants to be reminded of how far they have fallen from the high place they once occupied in everyone's esteem. H is likely waiting until he has found a job and is getting his life back on track before reconnecting w/ his parents so he can show them he is not a total f*&k up.

I guess that's what giving the MLCer space and acceptance can give you back. I know there are no guarantees, but I'm really hoping what I'm doing is going to work. I just hope my IL's don't fly out here and push H far back into the tunnel thinking that they can pull him out of it. But the thought of taking responsibility for that whole scene makes me feel like vomiting, so I refuse to own it.

Maybe some day I can talk to them about MLC, but I am so afraid of it getting back to H - I just can't trust my IL's to not say anything to him about that. They are too fragile and too hurt and I think they would do or say anything to reach him. And I can't seem to convince them that he is unreachable until he reaches out to them, and they just have to wait for that to happen. It has taken me this long to be able to see that myself.

Thanks Tipper. Once again, I think we have a similar perspective. I think I am going to listen to my gut and not mention MLC, but simply try to allay their fears and let them know that he is not in trouble, he is healthy and spending time w/ D and that he and I talk regularly.

FA