Beginersmind, (wasn't sure if I should use initials )
I have been a WHOLE lot calmer. I have had no contact at all from H in about 3 weeks. I think that is the longest ever. When we were together he couldn't go more than 3 hours without talking to me. He has called our son and left messages for him. He has, so far as I know, not done any paperwork on the divorce.
I am actually enjoying the lack of drama. I get a bit lonely every so often, but I feel like I'm on a retreat...so peaceful. The man is crazy making, at least for me.
I Googled passive-aggressive just to read up. My H often referred to himself as P/A so on some level he sees it. I wish I had read more about it. I always thought of it as a personality style, but in fact it is a personality disorder. It explains a lot.
It also means NC is probably a good thing. P/A people tend to duck responsibility by doing nothing. They tend to marry people who take responsibility (too much) and rush in and do for them. The classic P/A set up is "yes,but". They agree and then have a built in excuse for why they don't do whatever it is they agreed to. You are always to blame..or someone other then them. There is a bunch more, but you can read it. Suppressed anger is the main cause.
To deal with it takes a lot of validating his feeling..so he is safe to express them... and calling him on the broken agreements in a calm way. In other words you have to stay firm. It sounds a lot like MLC behavior in general.
Again, our part (the non P/A) is to be clear on what's real/true as they tend to lie, stay emotionally calm, and stay focused on behavior, not words, to know what the person is feeling as they have trouble expressing what they are feeling.
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