Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

Hey all,

Thanks for the positive posts and responses to my musings!

Can't complain about how things are going -- we had a good weekend with only a few mild gotchas. Yesterday was a perfect day with h -- spent the morning watching him play baseball in the gorgeous weather, did some errands while he relaxed in the afternoon, then dinner and tv. He seemed in a good mood, I was in a good mood, we were kind and caring and affectionate with each other. He let me know in both words and actions that he was interested and focused on ME and that just made me feel great!

So...any funkiness? Well, I've been listening to "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and can see from its contents how I've really not helped our m along with my way of relating to h (well, the FORMER way). God, it seems so simple now to just not be a controlling pain in the butt. Yah, I'm not perfect but NOW I'm trying to do it in the face of the betrayal of his a. What if I had just put my mind to it BEFORE then? I'm NOT saying I'm responsible for h's a...his choice...but if the book is even 50% correct, I can see now how my demeanor and style would seem so hurtful to him. arrgh. (of course, I could SO relate to what he says about women and the need for reassurance...could have been h stepping out of HIS shell and giving me what I need, too, to turn things around).

I have to admit that I AM feeling a bit stymied. I just don't feel confident conveying to h my support and need for him in a non-controlling, non-mothering way. It's kind of the same loop I've wrapped myself up in re. helping him look for a job...

I guess the only other thing that's really been weighing heavily on my mind is remembering some stuff from the time of the bomb -- specifically when H said that "this has never felt right". I KNOW a lot of things get said around that time that aren't 100% truth but for some reason, that phrase is bumming me out more than a bit lately. Yah, for the 6-9 months before finding out about the a, it didn't feel right for ME either but there were certainly many times, years, when it not only felt right but it felt wonderful. I guess this thought reverberates in my head when we have an uncomfortable evening -- when I'm too watchful or he feels distant or both. Days like yesterday make it all feel AOK. Key is, I guess, to tap into whatever it was that was going on yesterday!!!

Sage