I think the snooping is really a tough one for alot of folks here. There's that "need" to have ammunition or something. I've just never seen how it would help me in any way. Since i live in a "no fault" state I don't even think it would help in court. I don't know, I haven't spoken to a lawyer yet. That's another one of those things that will happen when it does.
I think the "pride" factor is what scares alot of folks (esp newcomers). We think that our S's are too "proud" once they leave to come back. I've come to a place where I don't see it as pride so much (at least with my H) as their own fear. Fear of rejection and inadequacy. It's sad that any of those things would bar them from coming back. Mostly b/c I think of the regret and torment they'd live with.
Still the peace I have found is worth holding onto with both hands. I don't respond the same when he comes home angry now and it has made such a difference within me. It's one of those things where it doesn't matter if he sees it or not. I feel better b/c of it.
I've always loved the "fear is a mind killer" line. It really spoke to me the first time I read the book. It's funny how some things come back to you years later.
