Up and down we go, where it stops, nobody knows

[SirPrizeMe]

Woo-hoo! Today was a good day. I spent the afternoon with the progeny. We tossed the football. We rolled in the grass. We played imaginary games (I was the culprit and my six-year old was the judge. Apparently I had been caught stealing cattle and other livestock.) My nine-year old hypnotized me. I held hands and gave lots of hugs. We went to a movie. We had ice cream.

One thing that brightened my day, is that the kids kept bringing up the old days - and memories they really treasured. Like our old house, and the games we used to play in the park. Like the shed they built with me at the old house - It was really a garden shed but I built a top floor in it for them, with a hidden porthole window, for spying on people. They remembered the games we used to play there, the garden we planted. Even as my W can remember none of the good stuff, or maybe it is only that she cannot bear to remember it, the kids can and do remember that stuff. And that is a huge boost for me. It makes me feel sane. They share the view that I have, of our family, of our time together, and for that I rejoice inside.

Today I also took some positive steps towards financial sanity. That's helpful.

I am looking forward to tomorrow; I will spend most of the day with an attorney preparing my motion for temporary orders - meaning a schedule for when I get the kids, and how we split my income. This is me taking positive action. As part of this motion, I have asked a number of family friends to write statements about me, their perception of me as a father, for the court. And my attorney has shared all those with me; reading them has been very uplifting.

I don't want a divorce but I definitely do not want the current arrangement where she gets all my income and I have to beg for time with the kids. So now I am taking official steps to rectify that problem, after my long efforts at good faith negotiation have failed. I am filing a motion with the court. Good for me!

As for my WAW - I have "gone dark" completely. She filed a protection order against me and I have not communicated with her directly, via any means, in 2 weeks. All communication goes through attorneys. You can imagine how much all this is costing us. It takes probably $300 in attorney fees for me to arrange a single visit with my kids. Insanity. Don't forget, this is HER money too. And she'll feel it worse than I. She doesn't have a job. But yet she is content to force me to communicate with her only through the $300/hour pipe. Can you say, avoidance?

Whatever. Next week we'll have hearings on the DV protection order and on the parenting plan. She won't be able to avoid that. She will read firsthand what our family friends say about me as a father. She will confront the judge who will read her petition for protection, and she will have to assert that I have been abusive for 22 years, in the face of all the support from family friends i have gotten.

It's really too bad we're here. But I'm going to continue to be a great dad, in fact I'm resolved to continue to find ways to be a better dad. And I will be a great husband, for someone in the future. Maybe her. Maybe not. Tick tick tick. Time is running out!

I've heard that many of the MLC/WAW spouses snap out of it after one or two court dates. I welcome this step. We'll see.