I'm glad Bear clicked 'notify moderator'. Please do so anytime you need me.
First of all....don't panic over 'lawyer speak'....just visit one if you haven't. And protect yourself. Visit several lawyers before you retain one.
Next...
It was quite a conversation and of course there was a whole lot more to it...but I've dragged this on enough. I don't think H could possibly be going home and not thinking about it. I mentioned in my previous post that I have been feeling the need to reach out to him. I've been looking for signs all day to know if I should or not. Then the time seemed right. Although it probably wasn't the best DB'ing...I don't think it was a backslide, at least not a far one. I also feel like I got some things off of my chest which will help me to continue to GAL and move on.
All I can hope is that he's still be firm on the outside, but inside he's in turmoil. Am I kidding myself?? My heart doesn't say so, but what does it know.
It WAS a bit of a backslide. You cannot trust your instincts right now for the reach out/connection thing with him. But---that's ok. We ALL 'backslide'. We just bring them down to a way minimum and lessen their intensity.
NO MORE of these conversations. You never even want to test the waters with these things.
NOW....the beautiful thing is....all is not lost. Many many people come back from this and from way worse situations.
How do you monitor results....you just did.
You tried something....this conversation....and you had a result...it was not what you wanted. EXCELLENT. You are absolutely clear....from your own data that this doesnt work. And it never will. Beautiful. It is only information.
So now...anything else as a better chance of working.
Set your solution oriented goals. Small. Attainable. Things you want more of. These are going to be......what would be the FIRST SIGN that things are going in the direction that you want them to. How would you know. What will he say and/or what will he do.
Are you up for a SOLUTION JOURNAL?
One more thing. He may or may not be having a MLC. While it is useful to read a little about that to understand the long haul....It is not useful...to categorize your H as MLC and think there is nothing you can do. It may help you to detach and GAL...and that's good. But so many then don't use DB to improve what pieces of the relationship they DO have.
What you are going to do is build this friendship without him knowing you're building it. AND you're going to attract him back without him thinking you are even interested in him.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
