Being dark does NOT mean you cannot be friendly and it does NOT mean that you literally have to disappear into a black hole. You have children, you're going to have interact with this guy whether anyone likes it or not. Being dark comes in by only initiating contact when it is necessary. If keeping him knowledgable of the children's activities is something that is necessary, do so - quickly, efficiently and without any personal reference.
Going dark is such a confusing things. And like you said we have this issue of our kids..so totally going away isn't totally possible (even though it seems that they can fall off the face of the earth awfully easily.) I guess what I am beginning to get is several things (ok so I know i have been on this board since August- I am a slow learner. Dark= MY HEART protection (not teaching him a lesson) Dark= Not letting him have parts of ME Dark does NOT mean being a B*
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Guilt and demands will only drive him further away.
Probably one of the hardest things in this. Our kids hurt, we hurt and I think ...he needs to know. And I do think there are times when it is appropriate. (when my daughter really does need me to be her voice...) BUT there are MANY times when the reminders of what he has done etc just need to be HIS to find out. NOT mine to tell.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
