Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

I believe that as we work on ourselves, we are actually working on at least two people simultaneously. There is the adult version, the person who has had to learn to cope with many difficulties and try to be a rational being.

Then there is the injured child aspect of ourselves that resides deep within our psyche and cannot be reached through ration thought. It is nearly all primal in it’s needs, and feeling based in it’s nature.

Jeannine -- I definitely agree with this! It has astonished me how definitively I can trace hurts and emotions that I'm feeling in present day with old crud. I'm truly NOT trying to pass the buck or wallow in anything -- if anything, I'm trying to scrub the present by recognizing that so much of the intensity that I feel is about unchangeable stuff from eons ago.

When the time comes that you feel that you can safely talk to your H in a relationship context, do you think that you could tell him about your "need"? (I have confidence in your ability to frame this discussion in an "unneedy manner"). You might even start by asking him what you can do to make him more comfortable within.

Well -- I hope I can live up to your confidence! You know from previous posts that I struggle with talking with h about my needs in a way that doesn't convey neediness or judgement or just simply raise the hairs on the back of his neck! I MUST acknowledge that H was really wonderful this weekend while I was flailing about a bit emotionally -- he wasn't instantaneously "there" when I was being overly emotional but he definitely rebounded in RECORD time and asked ME for hugs, comforted me, etc. This is BIG.

What is up with your sitch? Still keeping a low profile re. posting, huh? Well, when you're ready....

Sage