I think I was lucky in that she was quite confused and torn about what to do, so she didn't run too far or fast in the beginning. But, she could easily have been pushed far far away. I found that at least in my case it was possible to become too detached, but pursuit does not work at all. In my case the excessive detachment may be able to be classified as "more of the same", as one of her main complaints was my being distant in the first place. Showing loving interest and support but avoiding any attempt at control and demands was key in the reversal.
It's crucially important to identify those of your behaviors that have led to this situation and avoid perpetuating them, stop doing "more of the same". Control is a common behavior of this kind and can lead to the WS acting out. Always try new things, try something different, and notice the results. Then always do more of what works and immediately eliminate what doesn't work. I truly believe that this is the heart of all of Michele's work. Like so much of what you will see suggested here, it's simple, but far, far from easy.
Time, as hard as it may be to hear this, is truly your friend. Always remember that when you don't know what to do, often nothing is far better than the wrong thing.
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BTW, I just realized that you have two threads going with very similar topics in different forums. Might I suggest that in the future you consider limiting to only one thread at a time so to get the best advice. Sure, it's easy enough for you to follow, but we do miss the "thread" of conversation bouncing from thread to thread. Consider that you might only change topic when you get locked out or your situation changes considerably.
Great advice. Thank you. It really is simple but very hard. The reason I have two threads is I'm not sure which to be in. Separated or MLC. What are your thoughts? I was also going to change my name to New Tree or Strong Tree to show change and PMA.
I feel good today, I layed in her bed this morning and had a nice talk. I wanted her so bad but left the room with just saying good by and have a nice day (no kiss). What I would have given to ML. It was great to lay in my old bed again for 5 minutes.
She is totally nuts. The things that come out of her mouth are unreal. I wonder if she writes all this stuff herself or she gets it from some MLC handbook. She is nuts. She says we agree to stuff we never spoke about before. GOD HELP ME!
Yes, she is off the rails -- big time. She is going to crash very, very hard and it is going to be fun watching.
Keep doing what you are doing. In the back of your mind, you are the one that is sane, you are the one with the power. Just keep DBing, smiling and watch her fall.
Your "As If" attitude is driving her nuts! She is pushing your buttons, you are not responding and it is driving her f***ing crazy.
Keep going my man. You are doing great. She is going to crack soon. Maybe even a one-way trip to the nut house.
We had a long talk at lunch today. She agreed to go to a new MC and to go to see my Pychiatrist with me. Big move. She told me she was going out tonight and I backslide and asked her if she was going out with OM and she played with me a little and finally said no, (I know believe nothing but I believe her). She loves to push my buttons. I am so pumped she agreed to go to MC again after that horrible experience with the last one.
She started talking about the R and I said I did not want to talk about that but she went on to say that we were in "Limbo". Well you all know I have been worried about her calling the lawyer about the Separation agreement, I guess she has not done that because she feels like we are in limbo. To me, I like limbo! Better then separation.
Don't mean to brag but I got a very long heart felt hug and a kiss on the cheek and then on the lips before I left for work after lunch. That makes me feel so F******* good. I wanted to drag her like a caveman by the hair into our cave and start a little fire. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are so right man! Thanks. Wierd night tonight, I know she feels somethings goin on cause she was on the phone with her friend Jill all night long. Something funny going on. She also called the MC herself to setup appointment.
