How funny! I'm sooo far from being male. Imagine a little, skinny, long-haired blond. Sort of an older version of Paris Hilton (with a better nose!).
I think you are right about the rote memory. I think there was an element of that. He was having a hard time with pulling away.
But I think he also had pity too. It was a very rough time for me. I was an emotional wreck.. and I didn't hide that from him (this was before DBing). He did a lot of apologizing, and felt very bad about divorcing me and how much it was hurting me.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yes, I was pretty devistated. I couldn't eat or sleep. I did all the anti-DB stuff with my husband like cry, beg and even logic ("Hey, instead of paying the lawyers all this money why don't we just use if for a European Vacation?").
There really were moments where I felt that the pain was so intense that I thought driving over the side of the freeway, or swallowing something in the garage, would at least stop it.... that dying would be a relief. I wouldn't have to feel the pain. Just anything to stop it. But I just couldn't do that to my children. And I couldn't let my husband get away that easy. Heck, he'd get the whole house (chick magnet!), and my half of his retirement.... sheesh no way!!!!!!
Fortunately, I found local friends, sought out support, found this website, looked for fun activities and things to keep me busy (got on 5 mg of Celexa... just a small dose but still helpful!), learned to love and be thankful for the things I have. And life, and my outlook on it, got better.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
In DivorceCare they advise that helping others is great therapy too to overcoming the stress and depression that results from marital crisis. I believe it -- have seen it in myself. And since you give so much to so many here in the DB forums, me included, your outlook must be greatly improved indeed.
I just want to say thanks (again) for what you and others do here.
I think you are right about the rote memory. I think there was an element of that. He was having a hard time with pulling away.
I think related to this maybe, is I notice my H still calls me "Honey" a lot although he is in love with OW and mentions divorcing me several times a week. I assume his calling me honey is an example of the rote memory you are talking about? It is kind of strange that someone that calls me honey all the time is doing all of the above!!! Karen43
Hi lwb.. thanks for asking about me.. It's pretty much the same. H has been gone to ow's more the past couple of weeks - staying late or all night. I'm getting better about it as it relates to me. It's just hard when D4 asks why Daddy didn't come home last night. I know you understand since it seems like your H is being unreliable as well.
I'm trying to get out more. Trying to concentrate on my job more. Trying to actually work out - which I used to love to do. Just trying to get myself back.
