Oh sweet Sage. You have a cloak of saddness weighing heavily on your shoulders. The fact that you cat is dying is so very painful in and of itself. But at a time when you are feeling vulnerable and uncertain in your marriage, it must be crushing.
Your H is showing all kinds of signs of tenderness, but I understand your apprehensions. You are only being human in your present state of mind. It takes time and some discomfort in confronting all those issues and feelings you worked so hard to suppress for so long. They must rise up eventually and you can let them fulfill their task. I believe that it is part of the healing process.
The answers that you seek may also come in time, but even still, those suppressed injuries will need to have their day. All emotions are valid and serve a purpose in balancing are mind and bodies. You are a strong woman, allow yourself to break down into tears when you need it.
You see, your H did not take it personally. There is a point, I believe, where one should be able to give themself persmission to be expressively human again.
Sometimes, if we've reached "that point", our expression of pain when not directed at our S, can be a means of giving them permission to open up and express their feelings too.
