H with MLC

[2ndnoah]

Soonerlady, postpone, postpone, postpone. Flat tell him, the boys and I are not ready. Tell him that you cannot undo a 21 year relationship that quickly. You can also use this one, I did and so far it has worked, but not sure how much longer it's going to...Be nice, tell him instead of you each hiring expensive attornies, why not go the cheap route and go through an agency that will only charge a few hundred $$ and take the saved money and use that for a college fund for your boys. Tell him that a co-worker used one and they saved thousands of $$. If he agrees, tell him you will get the information from your friend and get back with him. You can drag this out for weeks (ie. co-worker was sick and not there, has to have surgery, on vacation, had a death in the family, bla, bla, bla. In the mean time call a cheap place, get details, so when push comes to shove and you have to come up with something you will know what you are talking about because he will call somewhere and verify the info you have shared. Doing this will give you control. You will be acting like you are taking care of things. Excuses you can use for the agency is they are backed up in paperwork, had to make an appointment and can't get in until, was sick and had to cancel my appointment, they need additional paperwork, they lost the papers, bla, bla, bla.
Money talks with my H. He went right for this. I know it is lying and deceitful and I at first had a problem with this. But, you know what, you are doing it to save your marriage while your H is crazy. Also, look at how much he has lied and deceived you and your boys!

Next, I went to a L yesterday. I know the laws are different in every state. I wish a D in OK could not be final for a year, but needless to say, it only takes 30-90 days depending if there are children or not. Crazy!!! Anyway, here are some suggested questions to ask.

*Who will pay attorney fees? Can you petition the courts for partial or all of your fees due to not wanting the D and the amount of money you make verses his?
*Child support plus over and above child support?
*Are there any advantages of you filing first?
*Can you file and just not serve him?
*Can you drag the divorce out? Change your mind later?
*Can you stop it? Especially if you file first then would you have control of the D?
*Temporary support for all your monthly expenses once the D filed? This will save your credit rating because you will need it.
*Alimony? How long? How Much?
*Should you hire a PI to prove the OW? Proving OW will get you MORE alimony? My L said we would pull cell phone records, etc and that would be enough to get more money.
*Retirement?
*Social Security Benefits when you do retire? You should be able to draw his Social Security?
*Medical Insurance on the boys, and you including medical costs like co-pays, out-of-pocket expenses including over the counter medicine and supplies?
*College and High School books, tuition, etc and living expenses for the boys, school lunches, school sports & uniforms, school activies and field trips? *Investments, Savings and Checking accounts?
*Personal belongings and what is considered personal belongings?
*House? Do you have to sell it, can you stay in it until your sons grads high school or college? Moving could be a lifestyle change that they should have to give up?
*Upkeep on the house? Who pays and/or does these expenses come out of his share of the equity?
*House Insurance and Property Taxes? Does this expense come out of his share of the equity?
*Income Taxes? and who gets to claim the boys?
*Custody?
*Boys Cars, repairs, upkeep, insurance...who is responsible?
*Cell Phones???

I know I have not covered it all, but here is a start. Hope this helps! You are right we will get through this. I hate that rule of 1 month for every year you are married. Crap! We are in for the long haul! No Fun!