Cat and Sara, thank you for your responses. I know you're right, and I admire the idea and practice of the Retrouvaille weekend. It can do nothing but good. But the big question for me is, why did I scuttle-butt it so easily? I thought it was a major coup for me to get H there, for heavens' sake! And after doing that, I really didn't have any regret for the lost weekend, or for the setback in reconciliation.
I'm thinking it was premature for me. Not for H, for me. He is liking to start sharing on a deeper emotional level. In the marriage it was me who was the open book, and H who gave emotional support. A one-way emotional flow. H often told me he got good feelings about himself for being able to do that, to support me emotionally. He still does. But he also likes the good feelings he gets from being able to do that with others, so he does. And I'm not trusting of him because of this, and I'm keeping him at arm's length with these emotional melt-downs. This kind of thing never happened in the marriage! But now, I'm afraid to get in too close to him after successfully disengaging over the course of this 10 month separation -- not unless I see some pretty strong drive coming from him that he wants not to have history repeat itself. So that's the problem.
