Need advice

[want2believe]

This morning I went to kiss my H good-bye. He was shaving. He responded so much like he had when he wanted to leave, it really threw me. I don't even think he realizes what he does. I tried to explain it, but of course he just doesn't get it. Say's I'm reading things into something that isn't there. H really has absolutely no clue how much he hurt me. It's really hard to believe he went through something like this himself with his first wife.

We had a short discussion on what happened this morning and the fact that we don't spend much time together. Get the same standard reply - we both have a lot to do and I'm reading something here that doesn't exist. I told H I'll always make time for us if at all possible. H on the otherhand - not necessarily, said he had a lot to do. I just gave H a kiss and said "I know".
I sent H a e-mail after I got to work telling him why I felt like we have different priorities. He can't find time to spend with me because there is too much going on, yet I know if he had a race, come hell and high water, he'd figure out a way to make it.

I also reminded him that when we talked about him coming back, I stressed that we absolutely had to make it a priority to spend time together so that we didn't fall back into the same old bad habits, and he ended up leaving again. I've gotten no response from him so far yet. Typical of him. He doesn't like to talk about this stuff. He does think about it though, and I can usually see a change in my 2-4 days later, if I just let it go.

Regardless of if the outcome is good or bad, I feel good about what I did because rather than letting it simmer in me and not saying anything, I'm at least telling him that it bugs me, and that I don't feel like that I'm not as top priority in his life as I make him. I'm not upset (a little
emotional maybe). He is who he is. I just not keeping quite about things that bother me anymore, a promise I made after he left. What he does with this, I have no control over. I hope it doesn't back fire on me, but
if it does, I'll live with the consequences.

Overall, I guess I AM reading more into somethings than I should. It just
that his actions have a way of leaving me feeling like I'm not really the main reason he came back, and he keeps going back to how he acted before he left that made me feel like he didn't want to be with him. I've got to learn to let this go though in some sense, otherwise I know I'll sabatoge our R.
I'm looking for more than I know I'll ever get out of H. I have to learn to truely give that part of the dream up.
Get back to reality and try to concentrate on the positive.