Nothing significant to report at the moment. However, I did go out and purchase Glass' "Not Just Friends". Have done a lot of highlighting today.

I think it might be helpful for me to permanently set down some notes here from the book:

* He says they're "just friends" again, and he shouldn't have to cut off all contact. - If the contact continues, the threat continues. It's like a recovering alcoholic who continues to go to happy hour after work every Friday, or an Internet infidel who continues to use the computer at home in the evenings.

* He hasn't made up his mind whether he's going to stay or leave. - You feel like a displaced person. Your home as you've known it has been destroyed, and you don't know where you will be or who you will be with from day to day.

* He says he's stopped, and I should trust him, but I can't. - You're paranoid if you don't trust him, but you violate your own gut feelings if you do.

* In each of the preceding situations, uncertainty about commitment to work on the M or uncertainty that the A is over keeps the betrayed partner off balance.

* ... additional incidents of deception are retraumatizing and set the recovery process back to zero.

* If the involved partner is ambivalent for too long or continues secret contact with the A partner, the continuing retraumatization and deception will make healing difficult, whether or not the M continues.

* Certainty comes through concrete demonstrations of openness and proof that any contact with the A partner has been cut off.

* Honesty now is the only way to undo the legacy of deception and lies.

* The involved partner cannot feel safe in an atmosphere of nasty accusations and emotional storms, anymore than the betrayed partner can feel safe in the absence of honest information. The involved partner believes that telling the truth will only make things worse. The betrayed partner must demonstrate that the distress caused by hearing upsetting information is a short-term reaction, but that the long-term effect is to heal the wounds.

* Stop all personal contact with the A partner, if possible.....Extricating yourself means telling your A partner that you are committed to rebuilding your M and that all intimate communication will stop. Until it is unambiguously clear that the A is over, your S cannot begin to heal and your M cannot recover.


I have more (a lot more) notes I want to put here, but right now I have to pick up my boys. They get out early today.

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell