Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

Hey all -- not much to report R wise from the weekend -- we barely saw each other! H had guard duty -- we were both out Friday, then he was gone from about 6am sat 'til about 4pm sunday (well, I did see him for 15 minutes at lunch sunday). he was totally wiped from his weekend of work so he slept for a while yesterday afternoon, then we just watched tv and had pizza last night.

we don't have anything planned for this week so far. I have a C appt tonight -- yuck -- and I'm hoping that h will meet me someplace after for a drink. this weekend we're staying in town and going out for a nice dinner to celebrate his acceptance into law school. we used to do that all the time but haven't for the last year or so...I think we need to find a way to squeeze the $ from the budget...we're worth it!

I'm planning on focusing my C session on my anger -- it was rampant two weeks ago -- not so bad last week. so much of it is focused on the ow -- you guys have heard me say this before and I KNOW it's a cheeseless tunnel but it galls me to no end that she is getting away with everything that she did. There have been NO ramifications, no nothing. I don't know why it eats me up inside but it does. I know that I need to work through this and get rid of it because it's not helping my sitch at all to still be so mad.

Anger at h is much less intense, much less focused, more rooted in sadness. there are times when I feel so sad and lost (and I guess mad) that he would CHOOSE her over me -- again and again. when I wonder if they are still in touch that's where my focus is -- it would be SUCH a conscious choice if they were -- anyway, believe it or not, that hasn't been at the forefront of my mind of late...

Sage