It will be a family celebration with the kids, not just her. I'm OK with that. It's a nice gesture on her part. I'm OK with trying to maintain family as much as possible. Is it wise? I dunno but it's where I'm at right now. Yesterday night the kids were asking me about whether I was going to the cottage with them in the summer. I said I didn't know right now and tried to explain why it is a difficult thing for me to do. I told them I didnt' want to say yes or no right now, I needed some time. We talked about options. I told them that they can't fully understand and the only way they could is to be in my shoes, I hoped that they would never understand! It's tough trying to find the balance between my new found independence and my continuing family life. I can't just cut everything off, it's not fair to the kids. We are and always will be family in one way or another. It's finding what works that's hard. In one way, it would be easier just to cut her out of my life, wash my hands of her but I'm not there yet. I continue to want what is best for my family, not just me. It might seem dumb or naive but I will always go that extra mile for my kids. Kids do best when separated parents get along, that's my aim. I spent five years living in an incrdibly difficult situation trying to save what was important to me, I have to do what I can do now to preserve whatever is left, that's who I am...right or wrong, time will tell.
