lmg, don't hate yourself for losing it!! (((hugs))) you are only human.
hopefully it released some "stuff" or anger for you. can you apologize to him for it?
I know it doesn't seem fair, but you have a chance to show him the wonderful, self-controlled person you can be since he can't/won't leave anytime soon.
I'm not sure what to say about the kissing hello and goodbye for the kids sake. That is tuff. Does your H seem comfortable with the kisses? Maybe you can get back to the joking aspect again?
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)