Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

You know, something you've been talking about is also discussed in this book. Basically, the author gives an example of a man who is somewhat closed off to his own feelings, which he has done since childhood to protect himself. When he ended up having troubles in his M, it provided him the opportunity to face these emotions and bring them out...which, incidentally, was necessary to continue his R with his W. Did that make sense? The only reason I mention this is because you've made comments about not hearing this and that from your H, and I get the sense that he too is closed off. Likewise, I feel this is somewhat relevant with my W and myself. She's closed herself off for a long time.

I think that my h is quite closed off...although I will say that over the last 6 months, I am "hearing" more and more. Perhaps like the man in the book this will be his opportunity to open up. I'm not sure why h came into the M closed off...but I unfortunately know that I did not help matters any over the last 7 years....I brought so many of my own insecurities into the M and one way I dealt with that is through controlling talk and behavior. I guess I thought that I could ensure the security and safety that I so desperately wanted by trying to control everything. I did a lousy job of hearing h's "scary feelings" -- the ones that might throw me into "jeopardy" of one kind or another. I'm learning a lot about holding onto my self and emotions when h tells me something that cuts to my fears...still have a ways to go on that.

You think you could ask him to read "Love Languages?"

Decidedly unlikely. h would view a request of that kind as a judgement on him. he also tends to view my interest in self help and R books as a sign that something is terminally "broken". I've read it a few times and just ordered my own copy from Amazon -- maybe I'll memorize it and regale him with it some night....

Sage