BT, I think you're making great progress. Really. I'm impressed.
You hurt because the relationship is priceless to you. It's going to hurt real bad for some time, but not forever. You will adapt and adjust. Baby steps.
It might be awhile before you ML again. I can tell you from experience that you will learn to adapt. I still miss it a lot, but after all these months, it doesn't dominate my thoughts anymore.
Keep on keepin' on.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
I really hurt cause I want her back so bad, I can't stop thinking about OM and I think she is talking to her lawyer about a separation agreement. The last few days have gone very well but man am I on edge.
And it will be on your mind for awhile. My obsession phase lasted several weeks.
Do not fear separation. It might be a good thing right now. If you talk to "recovered" MLC wives, they will tell you they felt an overwhelming desire to get away so they could have time to think. If you interfere with that, you might prolonging your agony.
So...you have not control. If it happens, it happens. In fact, welcome it. It might be a necessary step in her journey.
Focus on you. Focus on you. Focus on you.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
One more thing... Stop Thinking. Your thoughts are your own, they are fantasy, mostly painful, mostly fearful. They are about the unknown and what we fear most is the unknown. Studies have shown that the mind deals with realities and thoughts in a very similar way. The mind doesn't know what is real and what is the stuff of your thoughts. If you must think, think of positive things, good things. If you have trouble doing this, get a note pad and every time you have a thought, write it down. At the beginning of the day, or end of the day, go through your list and see how many of those thoughts are real things and how many are negative fears and fantasies. If you can identify them as they happen, your negative thoughts will come less often and affect you less.
The concept that you can change your attitude by concentrating on positive thoughts can be demonstrated by the success of the "Act as If..." concept. Consider this... If your marriage was working well, and things were going the way you would want them to, what would you be doing with all then mental and emotional energy you are now spending on these thoughts? If you can visualize that, try doing it, Act as if, and improve your PMA.
Deal with things you do know and things you can do something about. That's mostly you, your PMA and how to GAL.
Separation: I think the plan now is that neither of us is leaving the house thus the separation would be co-existing. I could never leave my kids behind and I know she has been advised not to leave the house for she would lose all leverage. I have been told by three lawyers and three doctors to not leave the house because she is mentally unstable and the kids could not handle it. I think she may have talked to her lawyer about a separation agreement and her lawyer may have said "why would you want to do that if he is paying all the bills". She would get less. Again right now things are going well but she just does not feel the love thing for me "YET". How long can I wait.
STOP THINKING!!!!! DEAL WITH THINGS YOU KNOW!!! I'm trying guys. All I got is time!
Yes...and she's determining the schedule of events. I have heard from many others that the MLC spouse returns about the time you have fully detached and decided to move on.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Yes...and she's determining the schedule of events. I have heard from many others that the MLC spouse returns about the time you have fully detached and decided to move on.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Hiya Tree! Our Stitches sounded very familiar! If so then keep doing what your doing! You got a kiss!! Man that's awesome!!! Just be careful and don't get your hopes up. Ive been looking in on your thread here and there...looks like your getting great advice too!!! All I can add is been there done that I know what its like. Just keep doing what your doing , PMA and DB!!! Don't fall into any on the MLC traps and you do fine Brotha!
Last edited by Gman3388; 02/20/0805:47 PM.
Gman Me 40 W 30 kids B 11 B 10 D 8 Been here off and on since 06. PA Confirmed Dec 08.. With God, anything is possible. Do or do not there is no try. Sometimes you have to roll the hard six...
If you will remember last week she left a note in a book that we were both reading that had questions outlined for her Lawyer. I had difficulty figuring out if she did that on purpose and wanted me to see it. Well I was right for now she is leaving them right out in the open where we leave our to do lists on the kitchen table. I was really good when i went home for lunch and saw the note, she saw me looking at it and I did not ask one question. I think she is really confused and I am making things hard for her to deside. It has now been two weeks since she has not called her lawyer.
Does anyone know the difference in a seperation agreement and actually filing for a divorse? She had on the note that she was going to ask about a separation agreement. I think she is just on a fishing expo to see what her alternatives are. Any thoughts?
Try not to get yourself to worked up over the legal sh*t. It is completely out of your control. A separation agreement defines who is responsible for what prior to divorce. It is usually a step prior to a divorce filing.
Just keep doing what you are doing and stay the hell away from her and keep out of that bedroom!
Things are going well in Hartford.
Also... If you want to make yourself feel a bit better, check out the Yahoo Personals site. Do a search... you will probably find about 1000 single women your age in your geographic area. Even if you do get divorced there are a lot of FISH in the sea.
