I know of only one way to get him to stop lieing to you. Don't ask any questions of him that you don't think he will answer truthfully. You cannot make him do anything. You can only give him the opportunity to do things that you want him to do. You have no control over anything than yourself.
You mentioned earlier that you wanted to give him an ultimatum or you were done. What would that be like, being done? What would you do? How would you act? If he were not around at all, what would you do to get on with your life? Short of filing for divorce or looking for an actual replacement for H, what would you be doing for you and your kids? What would you do if he were not there anymore for you to obsess over?
If your marriage miraculously turned around this afternoon and all the problems you now are concentrating on were no longer there, what would you be doing now? How would you live your own life?
