She's Gone - No Contact

[NikB]

Hi K,

Gotcha - I figured it was just a mis-type but wanted to be sure.

Yes, if she wanted to "try again" and if she has found peace with God and her sexual orientation (three big ifs), I would definitely try it again. From all that I've read and been counseled on, if "one person changes, it changes the whole relationship." I'm willing to be that one person.

Just wanted to point out that YES, you can change the whole R by changing. But based on the first sentence here, you also need some changes from HER in order to consider an R again. Which is good, I think - way healthier than "I'll do anything to keep this R."

May 5 is our anniversary. Do you think that is a good time to have as a "deadline?" If she doesn't come around by then, I'll turn my attention elsewhere and bury the relationship.

Two different thoughts on that.. first one is I really wouldn't tie it to anything from your former R with her. 3 months might be a good time to re-evaluate things (not necessarily a deadline, but sort of an "emotional evaluation" to see how you're feeling). I'd make it 3 months from today though, not tie it to an anniversary.

The second thought is I think NOW is when you should turn your attention elsewhere and grieve the loss of the relationship. THAT relationship IS most definitely over. And from what you've described, it sounds like that's the healthier thing for both of you. What you're hoping for (I believe) is for a NEW, healthier, happier R with her. "Elsewhere" doesn't mean another person though - it's keeping that focus on you and letting go of the clinginess, neediness, becoming whole and happy on your own, etc.