Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

Hey sage, just checking up on you. I'm not being real active around here these days, so consider yourself special

I do, my friend! I miss you!

OK, I think I'm seeing a trend here. I could be wrong, but it seems like every time things are going well between you guys, you start getting those feelings of insecurities, or DBIDKHTBAGW, as you would call it. Quit beating yourself up. Don't know how to be a good wife? Listen, there are probably a hundred guys around here who would kill for their wives to act like you are. So don't give me that, I'm not buying it.

I think you've really hit the nail on the head here. I don't know if I'm just wired to make myself miserable or to make my H miserable but what both you and Chuck have said is correct (and validates what you're saying!) -- after a period of getting along well I freak out and create some sort of chaos. Sometimes it's "long term" (like after a period of a good week or so) but lately it's been "short term" -- can barely get through a good night without creating some crisis.

I realized today that I have a problem. Well, I think I knew it for a while but it just hit me again today -- (after some bad DB'ing last night) -- I swear, I feel like an addict to bad feelings -- I have to learn to take it one day at a time (really) -- I have to look my fears and insecurities head on and plow through 'em.

I sometimes wonder if there is still some resentment from the A that you haven't been able to let go of. Therefore, when things start going well, maybe you feel like they SHOULDN'T be going well, and find a way to pull back. OK, I'll shut up now, before I get busted for practicing psychiatry without a license.

I think this is certainly part of it -- part of it is also just squarely within myself -- feeling unworthy of love, I think (not to be melodramatic). As for the a., I know that I'm stuck in thinking that ow is getting away with this scott free. I'm also feel as though she was "chosen" by h (as opposed to me) -- and that feeling gets almost crazy when I wonder if a is still going on.

also, I was listening to a John Gray tape and he said this about anger....when you feel stuck in anger (and I am), think about what is also making you sad -- anger is about WHAT happened and sadness is about what DIDN't. Then, think about what you fear -- fear is about what you think MAY happen.

So...here it is -- my anger is about the a -- about h lying to me, choosing another over me, etc. My sadness is about him not keeping me and our M vows safe. I'm realizing more and more that safety is a huge thing for me and I feel very unsafe post-a. And my fear? Well, that it will happen again.

Anyway, I rambled on. You inspire me to talk and pour out my soul!

Sage