Who would have thunk that 2.4 years later..without any prompting from me...Rich is now calling me, now texting me and today, asked me out on a date for Thursday!
Doesn't it just sukk when someone is down and people pile on?
Well, make room for Daddy! I have not been following your thread for a bit for a couple reasons. Now I want you to take this in as positive a way as you can because that is how I intend it.
1. You have been in excellent hands and I had little else to add. 2. Each thread has seemed like a repeat of the past, no change.
Amy and Jack handle you gently when you need it, and spank you when it is time. But I had a technical manual once. In the back was a glossary. Out of sheer incredible boredom I began to read it in the class one day, and broke out laughing. Buried very discretely in all the technobabble was the definition of "Endless Loop". It said "see Infinity". I then looked up Infinity in this glossary. It said "see Endless Loop".
Dar ... you must break out of your endless loop. Listen to the people here with understanding. They are only trying to help you. You are just as sweet as a cup of sugar. When you were a kid did you ever sneak into the sugar jar with a spoon and enjoy so much that your stomach hurt? If so, did you ever go back to the sugar jar with a spoon and the intent to eat all you want?
You are not poison to your H. You are sugar. But he has developed a bad taste for sugar ... for now. The way the kid gets over the sugar excess is to give it time. Your H needs some time. He needs to get over some of the negative mental triggers he has instilled in himself. He will, in time. That is why BND and everyone is telling you NC.
Sensory Deprivation time for your H.
That means you too will be void of some of the H contact you so crave. But it will not be the kind of contact you desire. Law of physics ... for every action there is a reaction ... right? His "reactions" are not the ones you want right now, so deny him the "action".
While he is this way, your NC is allowing him to heal his tummy ache. It is allowing you stop giving him tummy aches. It is time you need to spend becomin marvelous. When you think about what you wish he was calling you and saying, think about what you would want to do at this moment if he can't call. Do it. Learn to do without him.
I am not good at the whole codependent thing and go there with great caution. But what I think I understand is simple. If there was a law against depending on someone else for your happiness, you would be driving around with a car full of tickets. And Dar, that ain't right. Become determined to find ways to make yourself happy. Not wife happy. Not M happy. But happy still. You have no idea right now what kind of impact it will have on H to see you truly happy on those occasions that he sees you, and it was not his job to make you happy. His tummy ache will begin to go away.
I beg to differ on the 'co-dependancy' thing to a degree though. I know I'm happy with or without H. I know I don't need him in order for me to be happy. I've been happy without him and have learned that to a point. I have also learned that when he's in moods like he's been the past couple nights (last night was a repeat of the night before), then that effects my mood as well and I can't allow that.
Okay, so that said. I'm done. I'm done focusing on M and HAVE GOT to focus on me. Me and D. I have to find things that I can do to make her and I happy and that we enjoy. It's hard for me because I have few hours in the evening after picking D up from school, making dinner, cleaning up, etc. Plus the money issue comes into play as well. But, I've got to do it. No more tiptoeing around this.
I'm setting me straight. Taking time to figure it all out. Who I am still, what life can offer/what I can offer life, all the good stuff.
I'm a good person. People all around me think I'm great. Time to know it with all my being that I am great.
I just ask that you all keep me straight in my path. Spank me if you need to.
