Brand new here so here is the story,Try to keep it short LOL!Trouble started new years eve.Son comes and want to talk to me,tells me mom wants a divorce.Guess she had already told the other son but not me.Of course i confront her,tells me she does not love me anymore.Ask her about a name my son told me about.She says she slept with him already!Turns into pretty heated argument.She leaves that night.I did not throw her out!For three weeks,try to work things out.End of third week she just shows up on sunday afternoon.Acting like someone i dont even know!Says shes going to see a lawyer.I say I thought things were going good.Says that was then this is now,but she still loves me and always would?This situation has been going on seven weeks.just left me,kids,house,everything.Had money put away in special account.Left a huge finacial mess.Cleaning up most of that now.To keep roof over our heads.Found out three weeks ago she moved in with new guy,she cheated on me with!Would have ordered the books earlyer but didnt have any money.Just trying to keep food on the table.Books should be here monday.Have been reading these posts for two weeks.Should i start doing the 180.already am working on myself is going alright.Should I ask her for the child support money or would that wreak things also all her stuff is still mostly here should i ask her to move her stuff?Sorry to many questions no answers.I am not contacting her is this good right now,Got to stop typing head is getting messed up.Any advise would be good.Thanks tom
Me:42 W:41 Married 22 seperated12-31-07,served papers 2-29-08 S21-S20 partialy disabled S17 Divorce sighed 10-7-08 final 90 days after
sorry that you have found yourself here, but it is definitely the best place for you to be right now.
Some wise folks on this site (I'm not one of them:)still quite a mess myself) will give you a great advice pretty soon.
Just keep reading, breath in and out and take good care of yourself and the kids.
Oh, and check out the MLC forum. It sounds like your WAW is in full blown MLC.
((((((((Hold on!)))))))))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
The reasons she gave me for leavingwere,she didnt love me any more,but she would always love me,but not that way.also she said she wasnt happy.Funny question is everybody trying to deal with these situations have trouble with wishing it would speed up and not go so slow
Me:42 W:41 Married 22 seperated12-31-07,served papers 2-29-08 S21-S20 partialy disabled S17 Divorce sighed 10-7-08 final 90 days after
Sounds a lot like my situation and many others on here. I am new myself, but definately read the books. But be careful, if you are like me, it will light a fire and you will want to make things happen. I am trying not to do anything forward right now. So take it slow.
Good luck and keep reading what people post. There are tons of good things said and advice.
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
well got the books last night,realize i already am in last resort mode.Have been following it to a tee already!Realized small things already did change.had some health issues before this(not bad)went to doctors,monday.Wife came to pick up oldest son while i was gone.She called latter and just about begged me to tell her why i went.Very different!Anyways,thought this mourning.When this started I told her i would never take my ring off,She would have to!Thinking it might be a good idea if I do it now,for now other reason than 180i think it might really throw her when she eventualy notices.What do you think?Need a little insight Tom
Me:42 W:41 Married 22 seperated12-31-07,served papers 2-29-08 S21-S20 partialy disabled S17 Divorce sighed 10-7-08 final 90 days after
Again, I am new at all this. But Last Resort Mode may be a bit too soon. You have to give it time for everything to work. You already said that she is showing interest; just keep doing things that will draw her to you. But do not seem needy or demanding or god forbid... desperate. Those actions will drive her away.
As far as the ring... take it off. But would she notice? Is it something that she looks for when you see each other?
Good luck and stay positive.
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
Take the ring off, leave the ring on, it doesn't matter. Personally, unless you're done, I'd suggest not doing it.
Tom, you really can't look for the home run here. It's common to think of one or two things that will really shake things up and expect some sort of speedy resolution to the situation. Honestly, there are very few speedy resolutions. You should continue down the path you've started on; give her space, work on yourself, and be patient. You really won't see a lot of progress until the thing with OM starts to fizzle, which it will. How about making you into the best possible you? Work on restoring your self-confidence, your independence, and on any bad habits you might have fallen into. She needs to draw the distinction between this loser she's with (I don't need to know him...he's engaged in an affair so he can't be all that great) and the new you. Life can go on without her, so don't let her see you a broken man. Let her see the best side of you.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
