Update to my sitch, the end has come

[mako_man]

Fish,
You are right I cant completely cut the ties, I was still referring to the lingering emotional attachment I still have with her. Thats the part that drives me crazy, and everyone on the outside of this looks at me like "man, you are crazy how could you still feel ANYTHING for this woman?" I would be saying the same thing in their shoes, but I am not in their shoes, I'm in mine and I dont know why love still remains but dammit it still does. The ties to the children last forever, right now I am just fighting so that I can spend every day I can raising them, thats all I got.

LJ,

I am hoping she is on an up and down swing with the denial, my counselor commented that its common to waffle back and forth with those thoughts in the beginning of recovery. He also said that the fact that she is even talking about this with me is a sign that her defenses are being challenged but he also said its unclear if her psychological problems will EVER allow her to have a healthy conscious, in which case she will always be in some state of denial. He said this is how she has operated her entire life so she has farther to go to unlearn this. Its not like a 27 yr old that becomes addicted for the first time, its like a 5 yr old thats been addicted for 30 yrs and building defenses around it. I dont know, I dont have high hopes that she is isnt scheming how to jump right back into that life when she gets out, but thats on her.