I think I was lucky in that she was quite confused and torn about what to do, so she didn't run too far or fast in the beginning. But, she could easily have been pushed far far away. I found that at least in my case it was possible to become too detached, but pursuit does not work at all. In my case the excessive detachment may be able to be classified as "more of the same", as one of her main complaints was my being distant in the first place. Showing loving interest and support but avoiding any attempt at control and demands was key in the reversal.
It's crucially important to identify those of your behaviors that have led to this situation and avoid perpetuating them, stop doing "more of the same". Control is a common behavior of this kind and can lead to the WS acting out. Always try new things, try something different, and notice the results. Then always do more of what works and immediately eliminate what doesn't work. I truly believe that this is the heart of all of Michele's work. Like so much of what you will see suggested here, it's simple, but far, far from easy.
Time, as hard as it may be to hear this, is truly your friend. Always remember that when you don't know what to do, often nothing is far better than the wrong thing.
z
BTW, I just realized that you have two threads going with very similar topics in different forums. Might I suggest that in the future you consider limiting to only one thread at a time so to get the best advice. Sure, it's easy enough for you to follow, but we do miss the "thread" of conversation bouncing from thread to thread. Consider that you might only change topic when you get locked out or your situation changes considerably.
