Hey Brad,

Mate, sorry to hear about your sitch...... sounds like your W is really doing your head in.

I have been "room-mates" with my ex for 13 months now. She dropped the bomb in Dec 06, and was full steam ahead with selling our newly built dream house and getting the heck out to start her new life with OM.

Mind u, we are legally separated, and I am waiting for the D papers to be drawn up. Also we are preparing the house for sale etc.

Well, I played the DB card, and things have calmed down heaps since then (probably over the last 7 months). I detached completely from my XW, spent all my time concentrating on my DD, my family, my friends and work. Work out at the gym at least 5 times a week and look better now than when I was playing semi-pro Rugby 15 years ago.

We are being civil to each other, she has re-connected with DD and her family. She is so much more responsible now, than back then (in regards to co-parenting). Sure, she is well and truly involved with OM now (and still in MLC mode), but she has had the space and time to think about her actions, and probably since Nov 07 she has told her sister and close friends that she think she made the wrong decision.

But her ego gets the better of her, and she will pursue her path to save face. Also she doesn't want to hurt OM and is probably scared to be alone, and have done it all for nothing.

But to cut a long post short \:\) Room-mates for the sake of children does work. It will be painful initially, but it will get better. Only if you can truly detach emotionally from what is happening to her. And do not snoop or take any interest in what your W is doing, as that will always hurt you the most.

It will buy you enough time to consolidate your life, and will put you in a position to either reconcile with your W (given time) or finally move on without W. I think it will be win-win on your part and the kid(s).

Also, my XW and I agreed not to bring any of our partners (mainly her OM) or future partners into our "family" home, out of respect for each other.

All my best,
AndyV

P.S I asked W (not relationship talk or anything), if she was really happy with her life now (just friendly small talk, and me telling her that I always wanted her to be happy). Her response "I suppose".