Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

here's a way to look at that one...a fear my h has is that I won't always be here..or rather that I wont always allow him to be here. just as he left...I also at anytime can give up and leave or have him leave. does that offer comfort, probably not..but if you realize that the fear is on both sides it may help. inother words it does us no good to fear they will leave for they also have the fear that becuase of what they "did" we could leave also.

I'm frankly not sure that my h shares this fear...he certainly has never expressed it to me! H has expressed uncertainty about whether he wants to be M or not -- as recently as 6 weeks ago...to me that feels like a big reason why I'm struggling so much. He has told me in the past that he wants a D, has told me that he isn't sure he wants to be M, but hasn't ever said "let's try to make this work". If I asked him today he'd say "well, I'm still here, right?"

though I never "saw" ow, I spoke to her plenty, eventually she appologized to me..actually several different occasions she did..hey I even had the pleasure of making her cry...but it offers me no solice. the things I need to hear, I need to hear from my h not ow.

I'm more than willing to test the theory that making ow cry gives no solace... Just kidding! A cheeseless tunnel, I know it.

Sage