I really understand what you are going through. Trust me. I understand you know you are not in immediate danger. I think you know when the bomb is coming. So, take your time and have a good plan. I know the two weeks after you leave is the most dangerous time but it is possible that your danger may not stop for a long time. So be ready to fight and fight but remember there are many people in the world that want you to be safe.
About your kids.. they are old enough to understand.. that makes more difficult.. it is possible that they do not like to see you to get hurt but not necessary the family to break up. I have seen many children backfire at moms (victim) for leaving their dads even the dad is the bad guy... why? they love both.. even thier dad is a terrible husband but could be a good dad (manipulative and mind-control, blaming on mom for years.. anything can be reasons)
So, please 'read' children's mind and find which one can help you or leave them out from your mission.
About money.. it is important thing but your life is important thing. It is not worth to risk to sneak little money from your H. There is always financial resouce in the community. You will have to hook up with a domestic violence agency in your area. If you don't know where call the national hotline, go to hospital and ask doctors and nurse, look up phone book and find social service agencies numbers and ask them. If you feel fear of him finding out where you call, have your friends (or anywhere you have chance) help you but it is important you talk to the DV agency because you will have the every information you need.
The local agency may not give you cash but you will be able to find shelter, referals, counseling, support groups and so on. If you go to shelter, you will meet many people who work in the field and they have seen cases after cases over the years. But, it is your choice and don't let anyone force you to decided.
If you decide to call a hotline, be prepare your questions (but they may not have answeres you are looking for or they may not tell you what you want to hear), be ready to open up and talk about your situation with a stranger but trust them if they tell you 'it is confidential and I am trained to help you'.
I will check your thread from now on please ask me questions. I had worked in the field and I know what you are going through.. Beauty
Me:31 H:29 D:7 S:2 M:7y Together:8y found out his A :07/07 bomb:11/01/07 s: 11/15/07 OW-1 is out of state; other female friends around first thread
I am so sorry it took so long for me to get back here to let everyone know we are okay. We ended up leaving around 3 a.m. Monday morning. Too many things weren't right and I was worried for all of our safety. I called 911 to come so I could leave with the kids and we hopped in the car with a few essentials and left. Please cross your fingers and pray for us that we will get approved for housing this week.
I had woken up one morning and there was a log half burned that he had taken out of the fireplace and placed on the dry wood pile, then another morning I found a half burned newspaper placed in the dry tinder box, the water heater had black soot all over it as if a fire had started, then we had 2 gas leaks he didn't mention to me right away, one he knew about for a couple days before calling it in.
He went out with a buddy on Sunday afternoon and arrived back home around 2 a.m. but didn't come inside, just sat out in his truck for about 20 minutes or so, then began pacing, going back and forth from the barn to his truck but never turning the light on in the barn. It looked suspicious to me and it sent a chill down my spine so I called 911. He walked up to the house but didn't come in for another 10 minutes, came in to put a log on the fire and went back outside. If he hadn't been acting mad earlier in the day I might not have been scared by his actions when he came home that night. A few days earlier he had smashed a log down on the top of the fireplace when I'd asked him if he wanted dinner. It left a gap on top of the woodstove from the force of the hit. He said he was just trying to knock bark off of it. Never did that before.
I'd called a lawyer first thing on Monday when they opened and made an appt. explained my situation and that it was urgent. They tried squeezing me in that day but weren't able to. They called back and offered me the number to the victim's assistance and said they'd see me on Tues. Then at about 5 that same day they called back and told me they regretted having to tell me but they'd already scheduled an appointment with my husband first and couldn't take me as a client. I felt crushed because I had already explained my situation to them over the phone. Now his lawyer knows the info I shared earlier with them. It seemed shady to me, but I am an optimist by nature and feel everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that it's all for the best and keep my head held high.
Living without fear is priceless and we are on the road to rediscovering what a life without fear is all about.
I'll check back in when I get access to a computer again.
Thank you for sharing and caring. You've all been so supportive and inspiring. ~*~Hugs To All~*~
Crystal, I know I'm one of many who has been thinking and praying for you. I'm so glad you're ok and GOT OUT!
That is weird about the lawyer. I don't know if you have anything to worry about since they heard your side of the story. But you have your kids as a testament to how he is and what he did. Make sure the next lawyer you talk to knows about that first one though.
