I know how you feel. I thought I had put all the EA "stuff" behind me. But yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of her H calling to confirm my suspicions. I didn't want to call her, I wanted to call her H. Let him know how badly my sitch has turned. Find out if he ever found out what really happened between them on business trip that started everything. I thought long and hard, I even dialed their number but I hung up. I realized I would simply torture myself.
I think you know this too, but that demon is there. It takes a lot of hard work to let it go but it's the only way to move forward. It is our choice to just stop the negative thoughts or let them control us. It isn't easy but it can be done.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You have gone through a lot. It's bad enough when your H betrays you but them when it's with a friend it makes it worse. Keep your chin up. You are doing so very well.
