The MLC info is helpful for me, and I appreciate the insights on what the experience of the MLCer may be. Thanks also for helping me distinguish between whining and grieving; guess I was being pretty hard on myself.
GAL: went to a running group tonight...just trying to be around people and it was a positive experience. Pushing myself to go to a language conversation group tomorrow night. Felt very lonely coming home after the running thing...house felt empty and so did I.
W. emailed me the day after we went out and said she had a really great time at the play and particularly enjoyed our experience and talk (non-R) at the restaurant. She said she laughed a lot and that she hoped I also enjoyed it. She wondered if something was wrong at the end when I dropped her off--if she had said/done something wrong or "if I was just sad". I responded that I had a really good time too and that I was okay at the end, but felt a little sad that the evening was at a close because I enjoyed talking with her and had a good time.
It was a brief email that she sent me, but it seemed quite warm. I feel positive about it and at the same time I get this pessimistic / protective thing going on of "it doesn't mean anything" "sure she had a good time--as a friend--it doesn't mean anything more than that" etc etc. But I am seeing that it is a positive experience...perhaps it in some way may make black/white thinking on her part turn a little more soft/gray. So hard to walk that line of PMA, some hope, without getting hopes up. In any case, I think it was a good message from her.
I'm so tired...my thinking really gets negative when I'm wiped out. Time for bed. Thanks for your support.
