In my thinking, bringing your feelings and concerns into the light for you H to see, may not always be bad DBing.
Each relationship, each phase of the relationship, and each person within that relationship, is in a constant state of flux and has it's own unique dynamics.
So if you are at the point of needing to check in with your H on issues that are turning toxic in your system, why not? Only you can know (or at least sense) that you've reached a certain benchmark where that sort of openess is likely to be safe. You've learned the importance of presenting the information in a loving and non-blaming way and you've worked hard on becoming a more positive you.
Look at the positive outcome that came out of your latest talk.
I think that you are on the nose about the importance of "looking ahead", however, because of what happened in the past which was so very painful, your psyche is not likely to let you ignore it completely. Suppress..... possibly. But is that what you really want?
I look at those little talks , if done at the right time and with a light hand, as taps to release pressure that naturally builds up in some of us after such a toxic event.
Trust your inner voice, it's led you through the big storm so far.
