Thank you so much for your kind words and wonderful advise. I will sit down with D9 and explain those things and then I will let it go.
I do want her to learn that you can have disagreements with people and it doesn't have to end badly.
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IMHO, your kids have one hell of a role model and as they grow older their bond with you will be very strong because of how you have handled your parental responsibilities throughout this very tough time in your life and theirs.
This is one of the nicest compliments I have ever received. Thank you.
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stop being so hard and over judgmental of your own actions