Status 2 - W friendlier but still very distant

[fb2]

I actually wonder about what anger may mean. To me, it may suggest the same thing as nagging; that she wants something to be different. She brings up all the faults you have, but is that so you'll fix them? Is it so you'll validate her feelings. Maybe she still wants to be heard and it may diffuse some of this anger.

Yes that was the cause of a lot of arguing and anger during the M; she would attack and I would defend and sometimes attack back; other times withdraw. Either response fuels more anger. I too did my share of nagging. After she filed I think the anger was more to hide the guilt but that seems to have subsided. While the book you recommend has useful techniques a good explanation of the anger dynamics in marriage and how to manage them are contained in a single chapter of the book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman.

All the points you list I constantly need to keep in mind myself and I guess most of us do. Her hostility and my understanding of DBing made me go dark for a few months but I've been trying to use my discretion the last 3 months and walking a very fine line between caring and pursuing; I'm not sure I've made a lot of progress other than not making things any worse.