Help Me Act AS IF, Part 3

[newnamenewlife]

I am really upset right now, so venting/journaling here. Ds went to sleep over at my in-laws' house tonight and, while H & I made no plans to do anything together, I assumed he'd come home after dropping them off. Well, he called to say that he decided to stay over there tonight since D6 was upset and forgot her blankie. He told me that he'd probably go to a movie by himself and just sleep there--as if I need to know that.

Obviously, he wants to avoid the horror of having to be alone with me for a whole night. D6 being upset and forgetting her blankie is pretty typical. She will be FINE, she always is; this is the first time H has worried about something like that. Usually, I'm the one who worries about them and he tells me to relax and forget about it.

Anyway, D11--who is also staying at my in-laws tonight, and who has already expressed concern that things are not OK with us--just called me to ask why Daddy is sleeping there tonight. I said he thought D6 was upset, and she said "she's not, she's fine! This is freaking me out. I'm afraid you guys are getting a divorce." To which I said "I'm not getting a divorce. Don't worry about it."

UGHHHH. Then I had a glass of wine and my anger got the better of me. I left a message on Hs phone(he's at a movie) telling him what D11 said and that he wasn't fooling anyone--that it was clear he was staying there to avoid coming home to me. I said I was sorry that he was struggling and having a hard time with this, but that he better figure out what he's doing because he's not being fair to me and he certainly isn't being fair to D11 by playing these games.

And I feel better, actually, as non-DB as that was, because it is a 180 for me/us. H&I don't argue or fight, never have, and sometimes I think he needs me to get angry at him or put him on the spot because he is so removed, unaware, conflict-avoidant and numb. It hurts me the way he is behaving, yes, but what pisses me off is how he is in complete denial over what he's doing to our Ds by hurting me. He is a good dad to them, he really is, but D11 in particular notices what's going on and is scared. She is an anxious, sensitive child at a very difficult stage in her life and she should not have to deal with this limbo. I keep reassuring her things are OK, but she knows something is off and it's upsetting her.