Room for lots of opinions here. There may be no right or wrong answer. I can tell you, I did confront and snoop, and I set us back months in our recovery. If I could un-ring the bell...
If this is MLC, there's a whole new set of rules...
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Room for lots of opinions here. There may be no right or wrong answer. I can tell you, I did confront and snoop, and I set us back months in our recovery. If I could un-ring the bell...
If this is MLC, there's a whole new set of rules...
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Bomb, No As or other junk in our M. What was/is wrong is I tried to smooth over some things my W was backing me in a corner. In effect I was training her to get away with more and more bad behaviors mostly because I bought into the idea that most women were right and most men were wrong to taking advantage of the W. I heard the men are pigs saying a few times too many.
What I see is, people getting away with little stuff and when they get caught, things blow.
If you would have confronted the little problems a long time ago, they most likely wouldn't have gotten out of control. BTDT myself.
My W had her shopping addiction and didn't like sex. I just backed off on what I thought I could put up with to keep the peace. That is, till I said I had enough and was thinking about selling the house and we could each live in our own house.
Of course my W blew. It was natural. Few controls and boundaries by me and now do "A" or else. What would you expect if your teen age kids have been doing their thing and all of a sudden you enforced some strict but reasonable rules? The kids are going to rebel, just like an errant spouse will.
Some spouse behaviors will burn themselves out but do you want to wait a couple of years or risk losing what you have family wise or financially?
It all depends on the people and the situation. I say confront in most cases or sit back and watch the garbage play out till someone tires of the game, a couple of years later.
Let the OP/So be responsible for his or her poor choices and let them know as to what you think are poor choices.
You will almost never gain anyone’s respect if you allow another person to walk over you. The poorer their behavior is, the more they will justify their actions. That is the way some people operate. It is a basic psychological trait of some people. People have all kinds of reasons to justify poor behaviors.
Point taken. Whatever works for you sitch. Your approach would have landed me in divorce court in a heartbeat. MLC'ers are in a world of their own. Logic is useless.
Michelle wrote a chapter on MLC spouses. It's excerpted on the MLC forum.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
