Jeff, I've been thinking....Uh-oh, this means trouble!
As a guess, I'm going to say that your wife may be a relatively rare (in my experience) Words of Affirmation love language woman. So....I put on my best girlfriend hat and will try to help you.
You were probably much more complimentary to her before all this stuff happened, and may have stopped because of jobs or kids or pressure or forgetting or whatever. Doesn't matter.
I think one tool to add to your workshop may be a grab bag of completely true, very easily heard, understandable compliments. Ones that show you pay attention and notice things.
So, pretend you and your wife are best girlfriends for a moment. Get out of your left logical brain, and try this with me.
For example:
1.) Wife comes home tired from work, you have dinner, she sounds snarky. "Gosh, you work so hard. Here, put your feet up for five minutes, I'll get you a glass of wine." Notice the acknowledgment of her efforts at the front, doesn't change the end of the sentence.
2.) Wife rolls out of bed and looks tired, but her hair looks good. Instead of saying the seemingly typical "you look tired" say "wow, your hair looks great today!"
3.) "that sweater goes perfectly with your eyes" "have you lost weight?" " You just sparkle when you're passionate about something" (use that when she is mad about something the kids did or the state of the world or job), and the old standby "you look beautiful today"
Now the "trick" to this is that each compliment has to be true when it's spoken. You can't say you look beautiful when she just rolled out of bed and looks like the cat barfed on her, because then she will dismiss all compliments as made up BS. If she just rolled out of bed "you're so lovely when you're relaxed like this"
The second "trick" is to not expect any response at all, each has to be just thrown out to where she can hear it, but very very very casually. You can't even expect an acknowledgment or a smile or anything. Not even a grunt!
So, say "You are an amazing cake baker" when you stroll through the kitchen, and then amble back out, not stopping, not hoping for any notice of what you said.
You'll be amazed at what you find to compliment every day. She needs one compliment every day. Try it, they are easy to find. Please start with just one. It's an investment. Treat it as such, not an instant gratification.
