Need advice

[want2believe]

H did call me this morning. Asked what was going on tonight. I said nothing, assumed he was going to work on son's truck, (so he can get race car back in garage soon). He said, no - it's too cold. Will probably work on the trim tonight, but will need my help. It was nice to hear. H even gave seemed to listen to
my suggestions. It felt good! I'm not as upset now, and I
didn't send him an e-mail I was writing to him. There are still things I'd like answers to, but in a way I don't care anymore. It don't matter. I can't change him, only myself.
I guess I needed to remind myself of that point.

The savings account - I've pretty much given up on us ever having a joint account again. It just bugged me that HE had
asked for it, but then doesn't use it. I
won't mention it again, and any money that might have gone in
there, I'll just tell him we'll split it and put in our own separate accounts instead. I'll still keep the account, but the money I have going in there every month, I'll use first for any house or kid related needs. No sense closing it just because
he won't use it. It'll just become another account I have.

As for his last years birthday gift - a night for just us two at
a really nice, romatic hotel. Well, except for my mom's funeral, we haven't gone anywhere overnight since H came back. I have, but H always comes back home the same day. H has to check on the business you know. H's obviously not ready to to make that type of committment yet, no matter what he says or implies. Actions speak louder than words. I'm not going to beg him to spend time with me or the boys. Either he wants to or he doesn't. It's his choice on how he prioritizes what is important to him. We just have different priorities in this case. I'm thinking about
just giving him the money I would have spent on the hotel, and
telling him to spend it on his race car or whatever he wants. I
figure it's better to remind him that I did try to give him something, and still am, and not just ignore it and not have given him anything. It's just the way I am and how I was raised.
Of course his next birthday is in a few weeks. I have no clue what to give him. I'm not sure if I want to spend much - I know I don't want to give him anymore money for racing - he puts more than enough of his own money away for that moneypit. I'm
tempted to buy him something that might make him have to clean out part of the garage in order to make room for it. Only thing, is I know that alone it won't happen. Oh well - will mull it over some more. I forgot how nice it feels to vent my emotions here. It helps me work things out in my head! I can say things without any repercussions.