Just got back in town - went cross-country skiing for the long weekend. No skijouring though!
Major confusion going on. After WAW refused to work on M, I'd said that meant it was goodbye. Then I left for the weekend. She called me 3 times and sent several emails. Said she felt terrible after our phone conversation, that she'd only been focusing on how our old relationship was, and that she was ready to start trying to build a new one. Wanted to be at the house when I got back.
I told her I was confused, didn't know how to reconcile everything that had happened. She said she'd understand if I didn't want her there. I suggested we talk.
So we had a pleasant dinner and then started talking. She was already getting cold feet and it got worse as things went on. I tried to be understanding, said I was willing to make the M work, but I wanted to pursue my own life as well. She started crying and asking what was wrong with her, why couldn't she figure things out. I asked about OM and she said she thought he did good work, but wasn't attracted to him emotionally. Also said that she trusted and respected me.
Pretty emotional evening again. Lots of back and forth, with her crying and me holding her. I told her to leave if she was so unsure about our R and she got up to start packing stuff. I went in and told her not to do this. We held each other for awhile and she stayed. At first she said she wanted to ML, but when I kissed her, it was obvious she wasn't ready.
This morning was awkward, but I tried to keep things upbeat. I said I assumed she was going to return to her aunt's that evening, but she said we should give it a couple of days.
So, feel like this is moving too fast, although we've been talking a lot and she says she can't see working on our problems without actually living together. So I'm trying to figure out what this new balance is.
