Yes, I was pretty devistated. I couldn't eat or sleep. I did all the anti-DB stuff with my husband like cry, beg and even logic ("Hey, instead of paying the lawyers all this money why don't we just use if for a European Vacation?").
There really were moments where I felt that the pain was so intense that I thought driving over the side of the freeway, or swallowing something in the garage, would at least stop it.... that dying would be a relief. I wouldn't have to feel the pain. Just anything to stop it. But I just couldn't do that to my children. And I couldn't let my husband get away that easy. Heck, he'd get the whole house (chick magnet!), and my half of his retirement.... sheesh no way!!!!!!
Fortunately, I found local friends, sought out support, found this website, looked for fun activities and things to keep me busy (got on 5 mg of Celexa... just a small dose but still helpful!), learned to love and be thankful for the things I have. And life, and my outlook on it, got better.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
