I think my questions are aimed at trying to find 'hope'. Bad idea.
The reality is that love is a choice and my W has chosen not to 'love' me any more. The rationalizations are only to comfort herself so she can feel better about her choice to not love. Since she DID make a commitment to stay with me while I was going through my stuff, she has to rationalize why it is ok to no longer keep that commitment, but not why she has no longer chosen to love me.
We talk about how W rationalizes all the reasons to get a divorce but we do it from our perspective of honoring your vows and loving your spouse unconditionally.
From her perspective she HAS done the best she can, and it hurts too much to continue. So leaving is the 'best choice' for her to get away from the unhappiness and pain she has been living in.
So, the fact that she has to 'rationalize' her reasons for leaving doesn't mean anything other than she has to give herself reasons to support her decision because "I don't love Frank" isn't one of them. "I'm not happy in this marriage with Frank" is. So 'rationalizing' is really just dealing with the guilt of being a quitter, not of convincing herself that she doesn't love me or doesn't want to be with me.
On another note, this morning she was apologizing as she was goin gout the door to go to her work because she would be gone all day every day this week and I would have to pick up the kids from school, and make dinner every day. "No problem" I said "It's going to be like this when you move out anyway".
She says "Well yeah...." pause, then "But I'm not going to ..." and doesn't finish either thought. She says goodbye and goes out the door.
My first thought is to call her cell and ask her what she means but I decided not to. Then I'm thinking that she's "Not going to... move right away" or "Not going to... be far away so she can pick up the kids".
Too many thoughts.
One of my friends said this to me today "She isn't going to ever be able to come back to a relationship with you until she feels like she's free of you".
