Overwhelmed with uncertainty

[GoingForward]

So last night was a great example of what I meant when I said in an earlier post that it's just been too easy for H to leave whenever things get a little shaky between us. All he has to do is walk out. Too easy.

Well anyway, that was H calling last night. He called to let me know that he got my message, and he said he was sorry. H said, "I shouldn't have walked out like I did. I don't want to do that anymore, and I don't want to be so quick to fight with you."

I told H that I understood, and again, I wasn't trying to start anything with him. It was a thought in my head that slipped up, and I was sorry that it had.

H said he's aware of how he used to be and of the things he used to say regarding finances. H said while he still wants to be very sensible about money, he's not so uptight about it like he knew he was in the past. I always knew that and totally understood and respected his logic.

The finances are very different now from back when H was still living at home. During our S, H worked a couple of jobs, took many training courses (all of which he aced), and was easily hired by one of the oil refineries nearby. H now earns more than twice his salary of just 3 years ago. I'm really proud of him and have let him know a few times. He's come a long way.

H said, "You spend money." I repeated, "Yeah, I spend money." Then H said, "You spend it because it has to be spent. I understand that now. So if you have to buy the kids new shoes, or you want to get a $20 pedicure, you go ahead and do that, and don't feel guilty about it."

That helped and made me feel better, and I said thanks to H.

Then H said, "And I don't want a D. I don't want to get D'ed. I don't want it to happen." I didn't respond immediately, and then said ok.

H wished me a goodnight, and I did the same. Then we hung up.

My H says he doesn't want the D. He's never really said that before. It was always, "I want to try to work it out," or something like that.

My feelings at the moment - I'm nervous.