I'm curious, where does everything stand now? I know that everyone is different and reacts differently to situations but I wonder if your H ever got angry about you confronting OW. Is this something that will hang over you for the rest of your lives? I am feeling very close to telling my H that he has got to make a decision. I cannot live with the disrespect he has shown me any longer.
Well, a lot happened over time and huge changes occurred very gradually over many months.....
But to answer your question. Yes, when I confronted OW my H's reaction was HUGE. My husband had recently moved out and even though he's a peaceful sort of guy I was fearful of him. I even went so far as to have the locks changed on the house! Although looking back the whole thing is kind of funny.....
The very first time I contacted her was informational. I was very nice and indirectly I was able to obtain information; name, marital status, etc....
The second time I called (later that same day), was to tell her she might want to inform her husband about the relationship with my husband before I did.... (hee hee! Hey, at least I warned her first!!!!), the third was to tell her that my children and I would meet with her at their class (my husband and her were in the same management class) and that we were going to tell her exactly what we thought about her and her relationship with my husband...
Anyhow, within an hour my husband cut off my home phone/internet service (without telling me!), and that's when I lost it. I called him screaming and told him that he just made the biggest mistake of his life by cutting off my phone service. Then I immediately took out my cell phone and called as many numbers as possible at her workplace and informed everyone that she was having an affair.
This is my own story. I would never recommend anyone do what I did... especially since everything kind of spiraled out of control. With my sitch you have to keep in mind. My H had already filed for D so I felt I didn't have anything to lose. I don't regret any of it (except maybe not talking to her H sooner). Does contacting her "hang over my life" today? Not in any way. Although... there is a part of me that's really sorry I didn't have the PI take photos of them together so I could send copies to her H to give him proof....
By the way, I agree with the advice that you shouldn't give your H any ultimatums right now. It will only come across to him that you are trying to "control" him. That usually doesn't work. The spouse just wonders what they are missing with OP and resents you for trying to control them. And OP comes out looking like the more attractive option.
P.s. If you do give an ultimatum,boundary or limit be COMPLETELY prepared to follow through. Otherwise you encourage it even further.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
