I called H after work today to ask him how his first day at work went. He is such a complainer. It is very annoying. This is not a new trait...he has been that way the past few years. He probably complained to me longer than he was even at work today. It is just hard for me to be sympathetic. I just want to say ok, suck it up and move one. I don't think he will ever be happy. Nothing will satisfy him. He is like a child. Maybe OW told him to take a hike because his complaining got on her nerves! At this point I wouldn't blame her!
Wow. Sounds like he's leaning no you a lot. Maybe what he really needed was some time alone rather than with OW.
Maybe the GAL is more for your sanity at this point. It's pretty hard to maintain a PMA with a complainer on call.
I hope he can get to a civilian doc who plays with his AD prescription and has him go to counseling as well. Maybe having a C to complain to would take some pressure off you.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yep, I agree that he needed time alone instead of with OW. He actually kept saying he just needed to be alone...I kept reminding him that he wasn't alone if he was living with OW.
I guess the adjustment from military life to civilian life is hard for him. He thought it would be SO easy because he hated being in the AF. He thought civilian life would be a cake walk. I think he is just seeing that there are different problems, and he does miss the stability of the AF. It is weird to think of life in the military as stable, but as far as the money and what he was expected to do.
So the manager at the restaurant told him he could work doubles so he could get his training over with quicker and start getting tips. He said no thanks. So, instead he just goes in for like 4 hours a day. I am not sure what the deal is, but he really needs to find some motivation.
I don't think I have mentioned this but the restaurant he is working at is the same place we both worked at almost 8 years ago when we started dating. I wonder if it triggers memories when he goes in there.
Hmm. He really doesn't seem too hot about that job. Maybe he should try acting as if lol.
That must be an interesting situation for him, working back there, wonder if that's part of his hesitation. He might be dealing with a lot of emotional baggage.
I have yet to talk to anyone who didn't have problems with the transition. My friend just got out of the AF after 11/12 years in, and even though he's theoretically making more money he complained for months about how hard it was to find good jobs, how much of it gets taxed, how few benefits there are. Overall, most people make better "money" in the military when you think about benefits and non-taxable income. I definitely was loving being on active duty last summer.
Time will help I'm sure. As they say, time heals all wounds. He sounds like he's licking a few too.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yeah, maybe he should try acting as if! Actually Sunday night I told him to just go in with a positive attitude. He told me yesterday that he really tried to do that but just couldn't. I don't think it is the job, I think it is the interaction with people. He is very insecure and thinks that people are constantly judging him. He takes things that people say WAY to personally and WAY to seriously. He always feels like an outsider. I did talk to him last night on the phone and he said he would try the positive attitude thing again. I saw something on someone else's thread about a book called "Learned Optimism". I am thinking about going by the bookstore and checking it out.
Being there could be part of his hesitation, but I don't think that is the big part of it. That is what he was doing before he joined the AF. Now he says he wasted the past six years because he is back doing the exact same thing. I think his hesitation is more about being embarassed that he couldn't find a better job. He is older than the majority of the people that work there and he feels people are judging him for that.
I agree that you make more money in the military when everything is factored in. A good portion of his check wasn't taxed and the benefits were great. Right around the time the bomb was dropped he was making the decision of reenlisting or getting out. I was pushing him to stay in because at the time I wasn't making much money and I knew we couldn't make it on my income alone. We had made a deal that if I could find a better paying job in AL then he would quit...if I couldn't he would stay in. Sometimes I worry that my pushing is what made him leave but he says that it wasn't. I wish I had been more understanding of his desire to live a "normal" life.
Well, turns out I found a better paying job only he had already left. I decided that if I didn't take the job because of him, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I also knew if things did work out and I hadn't taken the job, I would probably resent him for it...so I picked up and moved to AL. The day I left I really thought it would be the last time I would see him.
It's funny that he ended up keeping his end of the deal when all was said and done. And now he has his chance at a "normal" civilian life.
I hope he finds something better/different soon. It would probably bother me a lot to go back to a job from years ago too. I can't even imagine finishing my J.D. and then ending up working back in retail or at the kennel or something. The AF does provide good training, so I'm sure he's frustrated with that. Plus age gaps are never much fun. Definitely adds to the fish out of water feeling.
I think it almost might be bigger than that though. He feels like he's back where he was when you guys started dating, and he shouldn't be. I'm sure that's putting a lot of weird pressure on him. Especially since you aren't working there, you are in a better paying job and have friends and a life and a PMA.
In a weird way it almost seems fitting though. Things have come full circle and he has a second chance to make things work.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I often wonder what would be going on if I hadn't left TX. Would he still be there too or would he have moved back anyway? Who knows. I think if I was still there I would never have given him the space to figure out he was making a bad decision. OW probably would have just kept looking better and he may not have come to the conclusion that she is crazy...at least not so soon.
H does still have the thing at Lowe's to hope for. He interviewed with two people already and they told him they wanted him to interview with at least one and maybe two more people. They are supposed to call him this week and set something up. Actually last night he said if he gets that job he may keep this restaurant job for a while for some extra money. That's the first time I had ever heard him say anything like that. Working two jobs...that would be unheard of for him. It isn't that he is lazy, quite the opposite, he is a really good worker. But for some reason he just seems to have this sense of entitlement. Like he should have all these nice things but he shouldn't have to work for them.
You are probably right. I have noticed that he is very jealous of other people. I used to always think he was just cynical and didn't see the good in people. But I think that is more of a defense mechanism for his jealousy. I have come a long way since I was waiting tables and he is right back doing it. I think it goes back to feeling inferior to me. I would never say anything to make him feel inferior, that is something that he comes up with all on his own, just like the way he thinks people judge him.
I really just wish he could be happy and quit over analyzing everything. He says he wishes that too, he just isn't sure how to.
My H is the same in a lot of ways. Always looking to get the most with the least time/effort. And definitely competitive and jealous of other's success. It all stems from his own insecurities. There are a lot of days where I think about how his father treated H and feel sorry for him. I totally understand how that could leave him with a lot of insecurities and fears of abandonment. But they are his issues, and I can't fix them for him.
It would be so nice if we could just kiss them and make it all better. If only life were so easy.
Good luck doing your taxes. You know about militaryonesource.com right? You can free e-file using TaxCut by H&R block this year if you log in through there. I think you're still eligible since he was in the AF until very recently.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Thanks for the tip on the taxes! I didn't know about that. H didn't officially separate from the AF until Jan. 22nd, so we should be eligible to file last year's returns.
I talked to H last night, and he seemed to be in a little better mood about the job. He still isn't a joy to be around or anything, but maybe he will get there. He hasn't heard about the other job but he is going to call them today.
I have a guy friend that I went to college with and we were actually roommates for about a year after college. H and I were engaged at the time and the friend is completely platonic. Anyway, he lives about 5 hours away and he asked me to come visit him this weekend. I haven't seen him since my wedding and I would really like to see him. I am not sure if H would be bothered by this, but honestly I don't think he would care. He actually lives near a lot of my college friends so it would be really nice to see some of them. Any advice on if this is a good or bad idea?
