Kiki, you're going to get all kinds of advice on your sitch. Exposing the A is a BIG deal, and it's a highly debated issue.

Ultimatums won't get you very far with your H. If you have limits, or boundaries, to CALMLY discuss with him, then be sure that you explain that to your H. Let him be aware that you are NOT trying to control him. Whatever he feels are rules or ultimatums, explain that they are personal dealbreakers for you. You'd like for him to respect them but understand if he can't. If he doesn't want to recommit to your M, then you won't stop him.

Try your hardest to take a break from this, if you can. It's a lot to deal with, and whatever you do, it's YOUR choice.

Take care.

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell