You sound pretty good, just a little impatient. You cannot rush things, and you cannot make things happen. Just give her space.
A word about your money sitch... First, consider this, and always consider this. Always consider your goals. If anything you are doing is bringing you closer to fulfilling your goals, do more of it. If anything you do is pushing you farther away, stop doing it NOW. That said, your income, her income, your joint account, your individual accounts, are all joint marital assets (at least in most states in the US). Whether she puts her paychecks in her private account or in a joint account, those checks are joint marital assets. So are yours. So, whether you spend her money, your joint money, your personal money on household expenses it doesn't matter. If she spends money on her OM, well, she could be made to pay your half back to you in the final divorce settlement. (not that you really want any of that to happen).
My point for writing all this is to calm your feeling that she's ripping you off. It's all both of your money (but I'm not a lawyer, so confirm any of this). SHE is making a big deal of it, SHE is trying to hoard "her" money, and SHE is protesting that you are spending from the joint account. All of this is making her upset, so anything you do is making her upset. Since all the assets, however divided up are at this point still joint assets, what does it matter whether you spend from the joint account or from your personal account, especially if you have an opportunity to do something that may stop driving you farther from you goals?
Good job on all else. Kisses, and getting hit on by other women are sure good for the PMA!! But LOOK only, DO NOT TOUCH. One other thing... The Ring. I know how this feels, I gave my wife my grandmother's engagement ring. The truth is, I DID give it to her. Getting into an arguement about it was not going to bring me closer to my goals. Continuing that argument was a control issue. I found that to be a perfect opportunity to "drop the rope" (in case at needs clarification, it means that if there is a tug of war, and one party "drops the rope", well, you can figure it out for yourself from there...)
Just wanted to let you guys know that I got a kiss goodbye this morning. Nothing yet from her Lawyer on S. I have no idea what is going on. Last night she announced at 7PM that she had to go out and show some apartments to customers and was gone til 9:30. I didn't ask her where she was or what she was doing and i think she appriciated that. I don't ask for I don't believe anything she says. She may have gone to met OM but there is nothing i can do about that and really don't want to know. A little upsetting because our favorate show was on and I wanted to watch it as a family. She did come in to my room to say goodnight (twice), I am thinking about asking her if I can sleep in her room soon. Waht do you think?
Bedroom: I just don't want to make her feel like we are separated or moving toward that. She did thank me for giving her that space. I don't think she is going to miss me or ask me to come back to the bed, she is to proud. I just don't want it to go to long. I really miss her and I am hurting a little today.
She's thanked you for giving her some space Your actions are showing her you do not want to seperate, but putting pressure on her will only corner and she'll run...
Keep the space, but you can also keep giving her positives too.
I'm sorry your hurting......but if you ask her to go back to the bedroom without her being ready, you may get a NEGATIVE response and that will hurt even worse.
HUGS!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
It's a good sign in the midst of all the chaos that she still makes little steps to have contact with you--checking in, kiss on the way out. I know it must seem so small, but it's something significant I think. I agree with the others...breathe through this and don't ask about moving back into the bedroom. Too soon...she's noticing that you're giving her space and appreciating it--you want her to keep appreciating the things you're doing, right? So, I totally get your desire to want to close the gap, so to speak, but hold the space and keep giving her room. Stay strong BT!!! You can do this!!
Bomb, why do you say that. I can tell you I am not as sad and can not remember the last time I cried but it still hurts real bad.I thnk the support I am getting here and elsewhere really makes a difference.
Great advice. Thank you. DR really is simple but very hard. The reason I have two threads is I'm not sure which to be in. Separated or MLC. What are your thoughts? I was also going to change my name to New Tree or Strong Tree to show change and PMA.
I feel good today, I layed in her bed this morning and had a nice talk. I wanted her so bad but left the room with just saying goodbye and have a nice day (no kiss). What I would have given to ML. It was great to lay in my old bed again for 5 minutes.
