Help Me Act AS IF, Part 3

[newnamenewlife]

[quote=Grace_O If you had to choose between only being friends and not having him in your life at all any idea what you might choose? [/quote]

I'd like to think I'd choose friends--but truly, being friends with someone who you want as an H is in a way worse than having him out of my life as much as possible. He'll always know I wanted more and I'll wonder, if he ends up with another woman in the future, what she has that I don't.

I'm not very mature in this way, I guess. It's easy for the person who wants the R to be just friends to live like that, but for the one who wants more, not so easy. How do you get past that imbalance?

Furthermore, my real friends love to hang out with me; H seems to avoid spending time alone with me at all costs. What kind of friend is that?

Tonight, for example, our Ds will be at their g-parents' house overnight. H has not mentioned that we could do something together, nor have I. I almost did and then recalled how tense it makes him. Going out alone doesn't seem appealing either. I know this is my chance to GAL and make my own plans, but it never matters to him when I do that--and none of my friends (the real ones) are available tonight anyway.