No Candy For Messy Bunkeys?

[MJontheMend]

Wow. Just wow. Really?????? Because, seriously, I can think of a lot of things that might cause a woman to be labeled "slut", but financial irresponsibility isn't even on the RADAR. I understand that you think this is FOO, but I'm really fogged as to how those two things *ever* got connected up inside you.

Because my mother was bi-polar and her main manic behavior was being a shop-a-holic. My parents constantly fought about her spending so it was my perception that my father didn't love or respect my mother for that reason. Therefore, my "feeling" is that a man couldn't love or respect me if I'm not financially responsible. Therefore if I have sex when my finances are a mess, I am having sex in a situation in which I can't possibly be loved or respected. Therefore, I am a slut.

OTOH, this caused problems in my marriage because it made me highly resistant to my 2bx's suggestions that, for instance, he might find me more sexy if I didn't wear the same pair of beat-down flip-flops every day. I thought I was being a "good" wife (not like my mother) by not spending money on myself. Another problem was that although I am not bi-polar, I am Type 7 and my need to kind of "make new things happen" is kind of like my mother's need to shop so it's like my mother's tendencies would leak out around the edges with me but instead of going to the mall and spending $1000 on clothing, I would go to a rummage sale and buy a lithography machine for $10 which would sit in the middle of our living room for 6 mos. or tear up a large portion of the yard to make a wild flower garden which would become a weed jungle when I moved on to my next project etc. etc. My anal-retentive, depressive control freak of a 2bx couldn't handle that kind of stuff so he would get mad at me. Now, I know my faults and I'm actually okay with somebody yelling at me for making a mess or acting a little like a crazy space-cadet. What I wasn't okay with was the fact that my 2bx never, ever was willing to hug/f*ck and make-up. I think this is because when I was a girl I would do stuff that would make my father lose his black Irish temper like try to make the toilets in my doll house really work or climb up in trees and get stuck but he wouldn't ever not give me a hug if I was crying or leave me up in the tree by myself. I try to be good. I can't help it if I get bored with coloring inside the lines with my knees together all the time.

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I know my lioness needs some work and I know how to motivate her . I've just been procrastinating and working in other parts of the zoo. Yesterday I bought a copy of "The 4-Hour Workweek". However, I also bought a copy of "How Not to Look Old". Since my monkey is my strongest animal it works best for me if I mix-in some new ideas so I can get her to help with re-hab in other areas of the zoo. It was actually kind of amusing to pretend like I was okay with FSG making me a kept woman (he did kind of offer). It was rather relaxing for a weekend to just pad around his place in my pink lace boyshorts, eating Twizzlers and watching cable TV while he did his workaholic stuff but I'm sure it would get boring in the long run.