Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Now is the time to take care of you. First you've got to get rid of that cold. I think no contact unless you must regarding finances (kids are grown right?). Take this time to remember who you are, what you want. He needs to do his thing whatever that is and anything from you won't be helpful (I'm sorry).
It's nice that he's taking care of you, but I really wouldn't ask for anything. If he just does something on his own be nice say thank you and let hm know you appreciate it, then let it go.
You will be ok. It takes time, patience (with yourself and him) and introspection. Please e-mail me and I'll get your info and send you that cd. Might help and I really don't think it will hurt.
You are in shock and may be for awhile. That's why it's so important to take care of yourself. Don't worry about him thinking you're a "gold-digger" and wanting to much. You have to look at this as a business transaction and think of yourself.
You're right that it would be easier for you if he was gone. I don't know if it would be better for things between you (or your M) in the long run. It's all case by case.
When you feel better physically, i'd really think about doing something physical. It's the one thing that has really helped me gain some perspective in all of this.
What are you hoping to achieve by asking him to leave? If it's strictly for your sanity that's ok. You are the one that has to weigh this out. If you ask him to leave, besides no Sunday dinners, what are you losing? Are you hoping that if he stays he'll change his mind somehow? Only you can decide if having him out is what's best for you now and in the longrun.
If you'd like to use me as a sounding board, I'm here. I don't know what I have to offer, but a shoulder and an ear.
I don't even think I have anything else to loose if i ask him to leave . he already had his mind made up and he is very adimant about it. I mean he has the house.
By staying, I know that he has viagra and although I don't know if he is using it do I realy want it in my face.
He leaves and he looks so good and smells even better.
I love this man right to my soul and yet he is all done.
Before we went in the hottub, after he came home from work, when we were standing in the kitchen he was staring at my cleavage...no mistaking it and it kills me because I want him so bad and yet the viagra isn't for us.
I don't know, I really don't know.....
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
When I don't know is when I work hardest at being still. Do something nice for yourself.
I know how hard it is to see and smell them and know you can't touch. Have you considered taking up weightlifting of maybe kickboxing? Sometimes I just have to wear myself out.
Yesterday was a much better day that the 2 previous.
Thanks Grace to help me keep my head above water.
I have gone to my sisters and it has helped me keep my mind busy and laugh some too.
This financial stuff really has H's knickers in a twist.
Financial stuff usually does. Too bad! He has been taking between 5 and 7 hndred dollars out every week for months and spending it on who knows what.
I'm being very evasive about details sounding like I don't know, when really I'm letting the lawyer do all the dirty work. I don't need to get any more tension in my life.
When he walks around angry and very short with everyone, I'm answering his questions and asking to please don't be angry with me.
I also asked to to please be a little more discreet with his meds as they were sitting on the counter for two days.
Of course that was all my fault for snooping????? He was mad at me for even mentioning it.
Getting used to the spew...not liking it but knowing when he's about to blow.
He is runing around tring to get the other house in order and leaving this one.
I'm going about my business and things as usual. Saing good bye to him when he leaves for work and letting him know when dinner is ready etc.
Tring not to let his bad moods ruffle my feathers.
I have inrolled in a seperation/divorce support group that starts March 4. I'm excited to get it going as it sounds very insightful and I sure could use all the help I can get.
My parents will be coming home from Texas early to be here for Easter and have actually been very supportive. When the chips are down I guess family ties get stronger.
My SIL came by last night and we talked a little about what's going on. H will be moving 2 doors down from them. That hurts too. It ALL hurts.
His whole family can't believe how hard it must be for me. It is but totally letting go will be harder. I don't think I'll ever be ready.
He seems so dead final. I must let him go........
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
If he wants the details he can always have his L contact your L. You pay them for this and IMO it's best left to them. You don't need to pass any info along. Good job.
His anger is his to deal with. I leave the room/house if he gets angry (if he's doing stupid stuff) and let him know I won't talk with him when he's behaving badly. Otherwise, I just ignore it. No, it isn't always easy.
I hope you find the group helpful. I'd be curious to know what it's like.
I'll get the package off today and let you know later when it should get to you.
I'm like a kid I love getting mail especially when this one will help me get over the bumps and brusis.
I will start immediately, and hopefully, the brain will suck everything up although lately I forget my name.
I was reading some of Holly's older posts and they are helping me out also.
I would like to know what LBS do when S is set up to leave but it will take a month, like for me.
How do you stand it being in the same house knowing they are leaving and have to pack?
He has already been in the house 1 year since the bomb and this is really just torture on my soul.
It's like having 3 different bombs.
1st...well that was obvious ILYBINILWY 2nd...buying house and knowing moving date and all the packing in between 3rd...moving date
It feels like a slow torture.
I'm planning about how me and my S will be living upstairs and that somewhat keeps my mind on other things.
I'm really tring to keep a PMA and not mope arolund.
H is on the afternoon shift which really helps. Peace and quiet at night with no tension in the house.
I want to keep DBing while he is gone and I don't know how to start because when he gets the lawyer stuff and gets my financial statement he's going to get all u-g-l-y and spew.
Not looking forward to that.
Hopefully it is when he is in the other house.
But then again he still will have to pay the bills here AND there until the finances are settled. Maybe that will help him to speed things up and not fight.
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
you're a sweetheart.